A description of my own personal hell

It starts with a beautiful sunny and breezy day here in Oakland, the first in a long time, the start of a weeklong break from work, trapped inside my cave of an office by IBM Via Voice. Someone please tell the name of the programmer or inventor of this exercise in frustration, so that I may wish on him or her their deserved misfortunes. Now I would rather be doing a million other things like; scrubbing the barnacles off Davy Jones body or writing out my will with my left hand in Hieroglyphics than reading into the microphone this: “I took a large room, far up Broadway, in a huge old building whose upper stories had been wholly, I said wholly, WHOOOLLY, Wwholly, for fuck sake! I said wholly dam it!” I guess Mark Twain is rolling in his grave right now, at least I am not the only one suffering.

MYSA SÄSONG

As a frequent past time my husband and I like to follow arrows painted on the floor of Ikea that lead us like rats in a maze to a most "efficient" dinner of meatballs and gravy (Mmmm gravy). My husband being the vegetarian indulges in the kids meal Mac-n-cheese , where by one can feast for only a dollar drink included (a very strange Swedish economy, how do they do it?) . On one of last trips we purchased the MYSA SÄSONG comforter. Now I do not know what special deal the Swedes have with NASA, with the memory foam mattress and what have you, but this light weight super downy, soft comforter goes from cool to fucking inferno in less than 20mins, it must be secretly lined with the thermo-tiles for the space shuttle or those Mylar blankets they give to marathon runners. Now what you must understand is on any given day my body temperature is barely above that of someone recently deceased. So I know if I should ever be forced to flee my home and move to the frozen tundra where by I will be able to have only one possession I will be sure to thank Ikea for keeping my staring ass warm.

Mostly finished new work

"remains" 18"X24" acrylic on canvas

top ten things that make the world a better place

10. Honey roasted peanut butter from framer Joes (Joe you rock my world)
9. Smooth legs (mine, not his)
8. Jason's Swedish sleep system that I covet (apparently invented by NASA)
7. That bottle of petite Syrah last night
6. Excedrin (may or may not be related to that bottle of Syrah last night)
5. Vanilla lavender dryer sheets and it inventor (dear god I'd give my 1st born for this stuff)
4. The music of the supremely talented Andrew Bird
3. A bone-crushing hug from my niece Grace (if hulk Hogan ever comes out of retirement he better watch his back)
2. How crazy the puppies get when I come home
1. Brad ( his choice was trees and tortilla chips) I guess that’s why he is my number 1

When faced with such options

Today I made an impromptu visit to my MD. Upon arriving at the doctor’s office, I realized that I forgot reading material. What you need understand is my doctors’ office reading either caters to the over achieving male whom may be experiencing a mid life crisis for reasons of his insanely boring hobbies. Or my poor doctor fell prey to Ed McMahon’s diabolical sweepstakes scam and was forced to buy endless copies of fishing, golf, and Fortune magazine. Just when I was about to give up hope, I spied a tattered copy of Ladies Home Journal resting on an equally worn Seventeen. When faced with the option of Sally Fields and tips to “Walk off extra weight” or the vapid preteen model and hot quizzes like “How to tell if he will drop you when he goes to college” I choose the most honest of the two…..Seventeen of course, at least it’s not trying to be “reading material” Besides who needs to be depressed by fashion tips from ladies in high waist jeans with their quick dinner tips it’s already sad enough to be spending your afternoon in a doctors office.

Feel the 80's

Clearly "Children of the Corn" was modeled after my freaky Long Island Family....and yes this is me and my brother